i have believed in a lie.

i don't understand either.
it's only been a few weeks we hven't been together
and i already feel so distanced from all of you.
i don't understand.
i really don't.
you ay you don'tknow what to do
but has it occurred to you that i feel equally helpless 
when you put things that way?
when you say i won't understand you?
i feel useless, you know.
i'm your best friend, or maybe i'm not
but you're mine
and i can't do anything to help you,
and i don't even know what i mean to you anymore.
tell me what's going to happen next year if this goes on.
tell me if we'll still be talking next year, the way things are going
i don't like changes, i don't like adjustments.
but tose things happen to be inevitable.


i know i said i'm thankful to have gotten you back, 
but things just aren't the same anymore.
we just aren't as close as before, 
you're so different, i have no idea what to do.
why is it that i always put others as priotities,
 when to them i am no more than an option?

10/10/07
:DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
loooooooooooooooooooooooooove
ytd clique+mingxuan+ariel came over
for the whole dayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
swimswimswim talktalktalk eateateat secretsecretsecret.
ariel ming and i had a very nice time in the spa together talking about -goes cliche- affairs of the heart.
oh, weeeeeeeehooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
hahahahahaha, okay, i'm being crazy-.- ignore me.
happy birthday to me!
hm, i wonder if anyone remembers.

BECAUSE AFTER YOU ARE OVER ITS TOWNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
THEN CLIQUE+MINGXUAN+ARIEL COME HOUSE AND SWIMMMMMMMMMMMMM
THEN BIRTHDAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-dies of utter excitement-

haiya why must we even have exams in the freaking first place.

especially ART,

ZOMG USELESS SHIT.

okay, sorry ms ong, i hope you dont see this, thankyouverymuch/

-GASP-

I GOT TO WORK ON XUEWEN'S FLUFF!

LATER, CIAO!

LIST DOWN 10 THINGS YOU WANT TO SAY TO PEOPLE BUT NEVER WILL,
WITHOUT SAYING THEIR NAMES. 

1- i know you think i still like you, but lemme get this clear, i dont, not anymore. that's the past and will remain the past, so get that into your fat egoistical brain, idiot. not every girl has to like you.

2- i thought you were different, but you're just another part of the circle of friends i have. it took me this long to realise that promises were made to be broken. no promises ever get kept, and it hurts to finally know what that means.

3- you know what, it's always you. it's never others. you broke your damned promise, too. talk about being sisters in christ. i dont expect oyu to be biased but i'm really really feeling very horrible about the fact that i'm not in. you're making me doubt my own abilities and you're making me feel very, very useless.

4- i should have never one for the solo, but thank you for accepting me and encouraging me all the time after every single practice. i really felt that your words were genuine. thank you.

5- i hate how you're so callous. you dont seem to care about anyone's feelings; you just want to get the job done, don't you? do you even know how much courage it took me to volunteer for that solo? your behaviour just killed my confidence and i'm never ever singing solo again.

6- i dont know what you're up to, but whatever it is, please stop all these games.

7- i see you every week but you always look at me as if you know me from somewhere, but cannot point out where. do you know that i like you at all?

8- stop playing all these games with me. one perosn is enough, i dont need another. it's really tiring, and it isnt fun at all, you know that?

9- you know you're giving me an emotional fever. you're blowing hot and cold. you're being concerned but you really dont care, do you? i miss the old you who was real, and not the one i see today. we used to be so close but now it's all gone. will you come back, please?

10- you're a freaking liar and a bastard who doesnt know his limits when it comes to girls. you practically hit on every girl you meet. touch my friends, and you DIE, you hear that? you've played with me, and that's bloody enough. dont go hitting on any of my bestfriends.


enough said and done. let's leave it here.

WHOO!
but why do we have to wear school u!
eeeeeeeee its like so UNGLAM PLEAAAAAAAAAAASE,
geesh, mspham. youre mean>.<
joking.
I LOVE MSPHAM!





---





but you shoulda known im emo now. geesh.
im really really feeling horrible these days.

i'm irritated
i'm emo
i'm angry
i'm pissed
i'm repulsed
i'm upset.








to sum it all up, i'm in a horrible mood.
i just cried last night listening to Lips of an Angel by Hinder.
i didnt know that song could make anyone cry.
but it made me cry.
since im feeling so horrible i should just go write the love story.

you know, i just realised now...
i can expect anyone to be there for me at any one time.
yes, it took me this longto realise..
that i'm really on my own.
i have to be there for others, for myself.
i really dont' have time to keep telling you i love you so you'll cheer up.
do you really think i care?
do you think i do not know why you're acting emo?
i need myself.
you don't need me.
you're using me
and the very knowledge of letting myself bbe used hurts.
being used by you doesnt hurt cos i never liked you anyway.

you're alone, girl, you've gotta learn to stand up alone now.
you gotta learn to lick your own wounds, look ahead and pick yourself up.
the world's moving on, and its not the people who are obliged to stay with you
its you who are obliged to move on.

and all of a sudden i realise how alone i am.

arent boyfriends supposed to remember everything about theyre girlfriends?
i thought you would, since you're So preoccupied with me
like wth.
please, you are PATHETIC.

YOU PISS ME OFF SO BAD YOU CANT BELIEVE.

seriously, i dont think you have an inkling of just how much you irritate me, damnit. you're a fool. a downright fool.

 one day she will tell you that she has had enough
it's coming round again.

geesh. you're like clueless please.
should i list the other detestable things about you?
i may just go on forever.

you contradict yourself
you're too fake
you have no idea what you changefor
you are directionless
you're too mushy
youre irritating
you dont know your limits
your too wimpy
youre too sick
youre too playboy
youre too act tough
youre too show off

and well if i go on the list will never end.
goodbye.

the world's going on too fast
and i'm refusing to move 
the world's not going to last
i've got nothing to lose.

have you ever felt like
you're sad and down
and they ak you, whats wrong?
you shake your head and reply, nothing, i'm fine.
they walk away without a words
and no one evr tells you
no, you're not fine. tell me what happened.

somewhere, lost, out in the cold.
no place at all, no place to go

somewhere, lost, out in the storm
no place at all, where is she from?

somewhere, gone, given up her soul.
no place at all, not even home.

i feel so abstract suddenly-.-'

doesnt make a difference about me being pissed off, anyway.
i dont know what your problem, seriously,
it's just a software.
fine, so i was wrong in wanting it cos that was illegal,
but i was not wrong in not asking you cos i did not know it was yours.
get that right, you bitch.
AND,  EVEN IF IT WAS THAT BAD, THERE WAS NO FUCKING NEED TO CRY.

i cant stand people lke that, really.

eurgh.
like, whatever.
I AM SO NOT QUITTING CHOIR
so stop all that crap la, okay?
school's conducting a spot check on blogs.
wth,
and we cant blog about school,
we cant reveal our identities,
we cant complain about the place in which we spend more than half our lives in,
what fucking crap is that.
*bimbotic tone-
like, uh!
whatever!
OKAY ANYWAYS,


i really really miss this certain someone.
and eversince this person left life hasnt been the same
no more shoulder to cry on,
no more understanding words.
he's really been my pillar of support.
im sorry you left,-
i really do miss you
and i hope you're doing well over in canada
just that it hurts to know that we're over.
and that you probably have someone new
but i guess there's always goodbye,
just that this time it came too soon.
goodbye, i hope you're happy now.

don't even ask,okay?
this i my life,
and look what you're doing?
all the tuition,curfews,grounds,
now you even wanna make me quit choir?!
you're gonna kill me if you make me quit choir.
choir is my life.

what.the.heck.
the class wireless is seriously screwed. sigh
im feeling so
dull.emo.bored.sad.
whatever you call it 
im just not feeling good.
not at all.
sigh
what's the problem with you,seroiusly
why won't you even give a damn?
and if you're not concerned,why should i be?
you don't even care.
how much further could i go for this?
im very very tired,
my white flag is up,
i will retreat.
goodbye.